Your Relationship with Your Father

Whether or not your father is alive, or present in your life, you can explore your relationship with him by asking yourself these questions. Give yourself a point for each one you can answer.

1) What are your father’s hobbies?

2) What makes him laugh?

3) What kind of relationship did he have with his father?

4) Who are his heroes, and why?

5) What was one of the scariest–or the happiest–moments in his life?

6) Who was his best friend when he was a boy?

7) How old was he when he first fell in love?

8) Under what circumstances did he meet your mother?

9) What was his greatest disappointment?

10) What financial constraints or conditions have affected him?

11) What does he like about himself?

12) What does he like about you?

13) What has he tried but failed to do?

14) What is one bad habit he has tried to break?

15) What was he doing when you were being born?

If you scored 10-15 points: Congratulations!! Either you have a close relationship with your father, or you have already given a lot of thought to understanding him, perhaps as a way of resolving issues in your own life. What else would you like to know about your father? What would you like him to know about you?

If you scored 5-10 points: You are on your way to knowing your father. If it’s possible, ask him the questions you were unable to answer — or ask family members or friends.

If you scored 0-5 points: Your father is somewhat of a stranger, perhaps because you have a very formal relationship, or perhaps because his absence or death prevented you from knowing him. Still, you might seek out other people who can shed light on your father’s role in your life — and help relieve any confusion or doubts that may be hurting you.